One day, a few months after their marriage, Amit asked Sunita, “Will you tell me the truth if I ask you something?” Suntia said, “Yes.” “Are you willing to keep your hand over the head of the child in your womb and promise that you will tell me truth ?” asked Amit. Sunita said, “Yes,” wondering what he wanted to ask. “Tell me if you had any relationship with any man before the marriage,” demanded Amit.  Now Sunita was cornered.

The popular belief is that after such a promise, if she tells a lie touching the head of the child, the child will die. “Would you mind if I tell you the truth?” Sunita wanted to know.  Amit said, “No.” “I had loved a boy when I was in college,” said Sunita.   “Tell me if you were intimate?” Amit insisted.  “Yes,” said Sunita. “Did you have physical relationship?” Amit wanted to  know clearly.  “Yes!” Sunita confessed.

In these modern times we pretend to be modern. But our mindsets are extremely traditional, steeped in superstitions and false beliefs. The younger generation does not seem to be much better than the old in this regard.

Amit did not say anything more. His silence was worrying Sunita. She understood that he did not take it well. But she did not dare to ask him how he felt and went to sleep. When she woke up the next morning Amit was not by her side. She went out to look for him and found his body hanging on a tree.

This was a story published in The Telegraph on August 15, 2009. We came across another girl, Bina whose case was almost identical, perhaps more pathetic.

A boy was in love with Bina. He used to write letters after letters and tried many times to meet her. But she avoided him.  She was not interested to be involved in a love affair. But the boy would not give up.   Finally Bina began to feel guilty. She thought that it was wrong on her part to refuse the boy’s sincere love.  So she responded.  They used to meet in a secluded place.

This went on for some time and then the  boy wanted to become physical. She resisted that. “Not before marriage,” she said.  One day he was so infatuated that he could not control  himself.  He used force and raped her.  Bina was very much upset and did not want to have anything to do with the boy any more.  The boy too did not meet her after that.

That was a few year ago. When she got married Bina feared that her husband might reject her if he came to know about her past love. She thought that after winning his confidence she would explain to him and beg pardon from him. She was waiting for an opportunity to do that. But what happened was far beyond what she could ever imagine.

After the husband’s suicide, Bina was totally shattered. The first boy whom she loved robbed her of her most precious possession. The second  one whom she chose to be her life-mate made her a widow within a few months of marriage after making her pregnant. Over and above that she became the object of everybody’s scorn. The worst was the rejection by her own parents. Now she is totally devastated and her life irreparably ruined. But why should it happen like this? Is it because she is a woman ?

Love marriage was rare in our society. In the past boys and girls rarely fell in love. That is changing now. As they fall in love, they may also fall out of love. The first love seldom lasts. It is called ‘puppy love’. Usually the first love is only an attraction or infatuation. After some time the attraction wanes and the infatuation subsides.  Mature love comes later. Everybody is aware of this in those countries where boys and girls usually chose their own partners. So, they are open to having partners who had a previous love.

In India before marriage nobody asks a boy if he is a virgin. But when it comes to girls, she has to be a spotless virgin. The boy may have flirted with many girls. But when he wants to choose a life-partner he too will insist on having a girl who never looked at any man. Why this difference? Why this discrimination?

In these modern times we pretend to be modern. But our mindsets are extremely traditional, steeped in superstitions, false beliefs and attitudes. The younger generation does not seem to be much better than the old in this regard. They want to be modern when it comes to themselves. But while judging others they are very traditional. When are we going to change ? When are we going to value true love ? Bina did love her husband.  But did he love her? If he did, he would have acknowledged her love instead of digging into her past.

There is one more important thing to be noted. Openness does not mean  telling everything that is in the heart. Those who are married for many years know that it is not possible to say everything to the spouse, however robust their mutual understanding may be. There should room for privacy in any relationship and that should be respected.  Intruding into someone’s the privacy is lack of respect.  A mature husband will be satisfied to dwell in the present and be satisfied that the wife loves him now.

Once the marriage has been solemnised,  the bond should be considered as  sacrosanct and nothing should come on its way to weaken he bond.

Whatever information is to be communicated should be done before marriage. Hiding any information before marriage is detrimental to the marital life. So too whatever question one may have, should be asked before marriage.

Once the marriage has been solemnised,  the bond should be considered as sacrosanct and nothing should come on its way to weaken the bond. Everyone should have only one concern,  to make sure  that the couple live happily and nothing should be allowed to diminish their happiness.