Protector turns Destroyer
Married for over two years, Samir and Asha were a happy couple. Samir loved his wife and was very fond of Priya, his sweet daughter of six months. When Samir was home Asha did not have to worry about Priya’s needs because Samir took care of all her needs except feeding.
Both were educated and good mannered. Some frictions did occur occasionally as it happens in any family. But they always settled these and moved on. One day they had a heated argument about something. The rude remarks were very hurting. Samir went out. At night he came back drunk. He was not in the habit of drinking. While in college he used to drink sometimes with friends. After marriage he had decided not to drink. This time he met an old classmate. Actually Samir was still angry with Asha and so he obliged when his friend insisted that they go for a drink. Asha was furious seeing him drunk. Samir did not react. He went straight to the bedroom and slept.
The next morning both were not in a mood to talk. Asha wanted to spend a few days with her parents. Samir accompanied her and left her there. But later when he went to bring her back it was as if the sky had fallen on him. Her parents kept on yelling and blaming him for getting drunk and torturing her. He tried in vain to say that nothing of the sort happened. Finally her father declared, “My daughter will not go!” So Samir had to go back disappointed. A few months went by. Samir tried to contact Asha by phone. But each time either of her parents received the call only to say, “She will not go.”
Asha was in two minds. She loved Samir. But her father kept on telling her that Samir has taken to drinking and he will not take care of her. She too began to believe him. She would believe her father who brought her up with great affection more than he husband whom she met only a few years ago. She forgot all the good things Samir did and began to think that Smair wanted her only to satisfy his needs. All the same she longed to return to her husband. Bu her father would not allow.
Later it was found that Asha’s father could not bear the separation from his daughter. He was very fond of her. Moreover his relationship with his wife had become a routine. They had no problem. But there was no warmth, no satisfaction. He was a quiet man and had little social life outside the home. His son and he were at loggerheads. His daughter was his only consolation. He gave her in marriage out of duty. But he felt miserable after her marriage. Now he was happy that she came back to him and did n it want to lose her again.
When contacted privately, Asha expressed her willingness to return to her husband. But she would not say that in her father’s presence. Young women feel helpless in such situations. They need someone to rely on. They have more confidence in the father who brought them up than the husband about whom they are not very sure. Asha admitted that her husband was very loving and caring. But she would not displease her father even if it means separation from the husband. She is very much attached to her father.
We in Paribar Jyoti had 23 cases of young women walking out of the marriage in one year. Gripped by the parents’ excessive affection, the children become awfully attached to the parents. They compare the spouse with the parents and have difficulty to accept the spouse. Girls are more affected by this than the boys. When the young couple has a problem their parents make it worse by taking sides and poisoning their mind against the spouse instead of helping them to sort it out.
It is normal for parents to be fond of the only child. It becomes disproportionate when their spousal relationship is not satisfying. They experience an emptiness which they unconsciously fill up with excessive affection for the child. But it is difficult to understand this. The pain becomes unbearable when the daughter or son is married. So, any small friction in the marital of life of the son or daughter becomes an opportunity to them separated. They do not realise that ultimately the child’s life is ruined.
